I am trans.
That felt strange to type. To see those letters line up in that particular arrangement. I definitely do not identify as cis but it has taken much time and soul-searching to finally accept this one singular truth. I have conversed with fellow trans people and they understand my anxiety. Growing up in a largely transphobic society, where trans people are not allowed to express who we are and strict, rigid gender norms and enforced by society, those of us who question our gender are forced to push those feelings aside, to shove them into the deepest, darkest parts of our brain so hat we can hopefully forget and be “normal”, to push away who we are.
I’m done pushing. I am trans and I am proud to say that. That is who I am. With luck, I will bury my old life, bury my old name and bury everything everyone has ever thought of me. One day I can start therapy and one day I can start transitioning. One day.
I’m really starting to like “Lauren” as a name.